I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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