I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
