capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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