I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
