he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
