It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
