Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
