turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
