I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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