i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
