Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
