Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
