I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
