i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize