I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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