I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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