I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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