When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
