I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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