RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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