Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
