hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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