I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
