Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
