my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
