I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
