The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
