Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize