Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
