This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
