benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Are we still banned from the library?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
