I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
