i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
