I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your penis caused this!
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