uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
...so i touched it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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