Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
