so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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