operation have a gay friend backfired
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
