i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
