that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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