What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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