You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
