I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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