I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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