just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
