Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
