you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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