Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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