don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
