I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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