We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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