I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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