Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize