I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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