Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
