She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
