her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
