I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
