i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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