Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
