At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
