it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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