I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I believe in your delicious
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
