I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
