I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
