my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
