my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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