my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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